So you made a mistake. So you fell out of sync with your plans. So you walked away from your chosen path. So you disappointed them. So you hate yourself for it. It is okay. It happens. You are neither the first, nor unfortunately, the last. Man is to err, they say.
Sometimes we walk right into traps that we saw and ignored, or we naively did not even recognise until the net caught our feet. It so happens that you regret, throw blame all over, hate those you think are responsible, or even despise yourself for it.
I have been there and I have an idea how that feels. Let me tell you a story.
I was a very active member of my church. A youth leader, active participant in evangelical missions, a dedicated member of the praise team and the choir... name it. If God was to be praised, I was to be a part of it. I was a role model to so many teenagers, and agemates alike. I had seen God performing miracles through my hands, all glory to Him, and had travelled far and wide in the spirit of this gospel. That said, all who knew me knew that I was born again and passionate for Christ. Oh and was I known for this. I would meet strangers on the streets who would stop me and tell me how I impacted their lives when I visited such and such a place, or how they were blessed when I ministered; people I had never seen before. Now I think you have a picture of where I was.
As it is so frequently said, nobody is immune to sin. St Paul also admonished us in 1Cor 10:12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. That is exactly what I should have done, exactly what I did not do. Here is something else I should have considered. Eph 4:27 nor give place to the devil. I did neither of these... and in a sudden twist of events, I was a "former praise and worship leader" "former youth leader" "former so many things". I was pregnant out of wedlock. Facing all those whom I had led was a whole task on itself. True, as they say, you should not be so worried what others think, but it is truer(if such a word were to exist) what scripture says. 1Cor 8:13 Therefore, if food makes my your brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.
I had repented and made my way right with God, but would the young ones understand this? Or would they think it is okay to go out, play around and come back with no shame?
I certainly did not want the latter. I opted to hide. I went through all the motions. Self loathing, denial, separating from everyone who would support me, name it. I was a wreck, to say the least. I had no stable source of income, and even that unstable one, I was unable to handle with my then state of mind. I would yoyo from serenity to insanity in seconds. From utmost optimism to utter pessimism in a blink. The most difficult part was thinking I'd lost God forever.
Here is where I need you to be attentive. I had not lost God forever. With His lovingkindness He drew me. He loves me and you with an everlasting love. (Jer 31:3). I would like to remind you what God reminded me.
His love is eternal. Not for who we are or are not. Not for what we do or don't do. But because He is love. That is Him. His person. His essence. His being. All of Him is love. 1John 4:8-10 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
This love is not given and withdrawn based on our behaviour. We don't need to earn it. We don't need to fight for it. It is freely given. Evidence of it being that while yet we were still sinners, Christ died for us. No greater love has any one than this, that a Man lay down His life for His friends. My brother, my sister, you are loved.
Something else I was reminded, was that when we repent, God forgives. We are not required to repent a million times to receive this forgiveness. This repeated repentance is out of guilt and a measure of lack of faith. Here is why: Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together," says the LORD, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool. God has already opened a door for you to reason, discuss, bring your points to Him. This, with the promise of your sins being cleansed. Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. He blots out, deletes, rubs off our sins, our transgressions, for His own sake. Because He is love. Because He delights in your liberty. Because Christ paid the price. For His own sake. This is a profound truth. We don't ask for God to forgive us because we had not sinned for such a long time and deserve the forgiveness. No. We humbly repent and ask for Him to forgive us, because He is merciful. It is for His own sake. He is solid. Unchanging. We can depend upon Him. Were it about us, we would never receive this forgiveness. We all know we would end up commiting another sin. Whoever says they do not sin are liars and make God a liar. Remember, it is for His own sake that He forgives us.
I would like to remind you about a man called David. King David. He saw, he lusted, he conquered. He murdered the husband to a woman he committed adultery with, and she conceived for him. He took her as his wife. (See 2Samuel 11) This man did what we would say is more than most of us have done, in this instance. God still called Him a man after His own heart. (1Sam 13:14). Not because he never sinned, (we already have a documented record of sin) but because his heart was quick to repent once he recognised his sin. We still read numerous Psalms that he composed, and they bless us, so many generations later. God forgives. He forgave David. He forgave me. He has forgiven you.
Guilt is a weapon the devil uses to keep us away from this marvelous grace of God. To keep us from enjoying the freedom from past sin. When God forgives, it is finished, as Jesus said on the cross. It is finished.
Do not let what you did weigh you down. You may have lost so much from that one sin, I did. You may have lost friends from that mistake, I did. You may have lost your name and possessions. But will you let God be for you? If God is for you, who can be against you?
Back to my story. I went back to church, albeit fearfully at first. With time, I embraced my position. And daily pray that anyone who sees me, hands raised in worship, tears flowing from the amazing touch of the Holy Spirit, that they will be encouraged to understand that God is love. That He forgives. That He mends broken hearts. That He restores!!! When anyone sees me walking head held high, with my boy in my arms, that they understand the fierceness of God's love. He will not let one of His own be stolen from His hands.
I would like to encourage you today. It doesn't matter how low you sank. How much damage you wreaked since you left the fold of our Lord's sheep. How lost you have been, or how unworthy of love you have felt. Turn to God, with a sincere heart, and ask Him to forgive you, for His own sake. It is true. He can, He does, He will. You don't have to have many words. But you need an open heart. Sincere heart.
Here is what He finally says to you now: Isaiah 44:22 I have blotted out, like a thick cloud, your transgressions, and like a cloud, your sins. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you."
Speak life.
You are loved. You are forgiven. You are free. You are redeemed. You will rise again. Your path will grow brighter and brighter unto the perfect day. You will laugh again. You will rise again. All that the enemy stole while you were knocked down, our merciful Father will restore!!!!! The sun will soon rise.
Speak life.
Speak it and live it.
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